Hey,
So Luke has come to the conclusion that it would be absolutely impossible for him to enter some sort of emotional relationship. Period. I think I mentioned that guy that I met up with in San Francisco, right? Well, anyway, if I didn’t, I met up with a guy in San Francisco and we went out on a little date. Park, Japanese Tea Gardens, sex, dinner, and a movie. It was fun and Guy was nice and I was looking forward to meet him again. The day after the date he started to IM me and it was pretty weird because it almost sounded like he was trying to pick a fight, which is one of the things I don’t do (fights, I mean). So, after getting the strong vibes that he was mad, I asked what was wrong to which he replied, “I don’t think this is going to work out.” He went on about how he really liked me and that he didn’t “come to this conclusion lightly,” and how he hoped for the best for me. On IM I was a clear, well balanced, rational person; in life I was a bit emotionally distressed. The reason the… whatever-it-was wasn’t going to work out was because I had a healing cold sore on my upper lip and he didn’t want to chance getting one even while I didn’t have symptoms (he sounded a bit like one of those herpes commercials). I mean, I can’t get bitchy to him about it since I admit I didn’t really come out and tell him, “By the way, I was sick last week and I got cold sores from it.. just an FYI,” it just sucks. I didn’t quite believe him when he said he put a lot of thought into the decision, but I couldn’t do anything about it so I left it alone. So, my point is, if I get into an emotional funk for a few days after a non-emotional, one time date, imagine how I would get at the end of a relationship that I invested time and emotion in. I would probably be like Bridget Jones alone in my apartment listening to Eric Carmen sing “All By Myself”, eating a wedge of cheese with a bottle of wine. I guess I just wouldn’t be able to do that to myself.
My douchy best friend isn’t coming to visit like he said he would! He’s going for summer school in D.C. and he’s leaving almost as soon as he gets out of school. I was looking forward to hanging out with him because we had so much fun the last time we hung out and I just wanted someone to bitch to about my fucking roommates. I do miss them [my friends] and this year has been really hard without them. A ton of stuff that I’ve had to work out on my own and other things that I wanted to laugh about. I know this sounds totally fucked up, but I consider them to be more of my family than what my actual biological family is.
I’ve been bitching for a while now. I don’t like to do that too often, but it’s nice to do sometimes. It’s therapeutic. Today has been a lazy day. Seriously, I’ve been sitting here with a pint of Pistachio Haagen-Dazs (a-maz-ing) reading a blog called 2nd Person. It chronicles the life of a gay man living in Manhattan and he’s.. charming is the word I’d use. It’s written in the second person (you), hence the name “2nd Person”. The only thing that really bugs me about the blog is his tendency to fall back on stereotypes of gay men, besides that, I wish I were him. His man-candy, a man identified as Blond[e] Beard, sounds amazing, even if emotionally unavailable (which doesn’t sound like that much of a draw back but that’s probably because I’m usually the one who moves on).
omgah!! I need to get laid. Badly. I think this whole week has just turned me into a sex fiend. It’s gotten to the point where I am actually turned on by men that I wouldn’t normally give a second glance. It doesn’t help that I am going to see Uber-Hot-Former-Philosophy-Professor today at a Philosophy Club meeting that I am going to be attending for work. Then there’s the short story reading in Berkeley next week where I’m sure to meet a hot, gay, artist type who wants to take me to his loft or studio apartment and make me his muse while he sits there and tells me over and over again that I am exactly what he has been looking for. I leave the next day (I would leave a note, I’m not completely cruel).
Luke likes Pistachio Haagen Dazs. Luke dislikes his cold sores and his roommate[s] (still).
